A Reader Writes … quite a journey!
My name is xxx and I want to share your impact on my journey.My wife and I were in an independent fundamental Baptist church in our early twenties when a friend at work gave me a set of CDs from a presentation you gave at a 7th Day Adventist Church meeting.I think my wife and wore those CDs out on several road trips. I still remember many of the details – foot washing and the church of the last detail, how creative people will leave those churches, the bridge metaphor, the story of the Cambodian neighbors, etc…We knew something was unhealthy about our church, but we weren’t sure what to do about it and we were afraid to leave – afraid to lose our friends, afraid that our marriage would fall apart, afraid that our future children would not love Jesus. Unhealthy churches generate a lot of fear in their members.That teaching series (and later reading your books) gave us 1) confirmation that our church was unhealthy, 2) confidence that there were different, healthy churches out there 3) awareness of a different way to view Jesus and the Scriptures. You helped us move past fear.
I lent those CDs to a series of friends over the years.... You are woven in as one of the many threads in our creative journey.So, thank you. It’s worth saying again. Thank You. I should have thanked you years ago, but you came to my mind this morning and I wanted you to know that I have gratitude for you and how the Spirit used you in my life and the life of others.
0 Comments2 Minutes
Q & R: Growing spiritually without family support
Q & R:
I recently finished your book Faith After Doubt and went on your Facebook page for some support. I’m currently having a hard time with my ‘aloneness’ from other friends and family who have more traditional beliefs. It was very disheartening to find one of those people on almost every comment, making your book seem almost political. I was glad to see most people simply ignored him.
I suppose my question is how does one protect themselves from the old lines of thinking where anything new is heresy?You and Father Rohr and Barbara Brown Taylor make so much sense to me, but I wish I had others in my life to help and support my beliefs. My family isn’t critical, they just don’t share them.
Anyway, thanks so much for this book!
Thanks for your note and question. You mentioned my Facebook page ... I struggle with how to respond to the comments there, often from people who have no idea how hostile they come across to me and many of my readers. I am a firm believer in "don't feed the trolls" - especially because some people, who do not attract attention to their own thoughts on their own pages, try to get attention by trolling the pages of others. I occasionally encourage folks to ignore these comments. Some days, I must admit, I think I would be making the world a better place by muting comments altogether. But there would be costs to that ... so the fact that you noticed that people were ignoring hostile commenters is encouraging to me.
Regarding your question, I can offer two thoughts.
- The four-stage framework I offer in Faith After Doubt might be helpful in understanding why friends and family members behave as they do. To the degree they're in Stage One/Simplicity themselves, and even more so if they're in a church with a Stage One ethos, they can't help but seeing anything new as heresy. That's simply where they are now. Your presence in their lives lets them know that there are other ways to be Christian, and even though they may not be ready for that now, down the road, many of them will. You might find encouragement in this regard in the blog I posted on March 8, 2021.
- I think it's important to find some community where you will feel the freedom to speak and think unguardedly. You might be able to find such a place in your area, but if you can't, I think podcasts are providing this kind of space for many people. You could search for podcasts that have had me on to speak, and you might find some ways that the podcaster is creating community. Homebrewed Theology, The Liturgists, The What If Project, The Church Needs Therapy, and many other excellent podcasts are doing exactly this.
Thanks again for writing.
For folks interested in reading Faith After Doubt, you can order it here.
0 Comments4 Minutes
A Reader Writes: I’m not going to quit
A reader writes:
Faith after Doubt... I can’t thank you enough for the clarity you have given me. You have helped describe my journey and give language to so many things I am experiencing and seeing in the church.
I am the lead pastor of a large (2000 member) church in the south. As you can imagine, our people are all over the map theologically. Yet, I think we are emerging as a community of harmony through multiple levels of crisis and deconstruction. The road has been so challenging.
But we are holding. Even more, people like Charis keep finding their way to us. You reminded me not to quit because of her and those like her.
So, I wanted to let you know that you have given me encouragement to hang in there so that there are communities like the ones you describe and envision in your work.
Maybe one day I’ll be able to thank you in person but for now please accept my sincere gratitude.
Thanks for this encouraging note, and I'm so glad you're hanging in there. We need you and we need churches like yours! I can only begin to imagine how hard it has been - with the pandemic, denominational challenges, and all the rest. I'm so glad that Charis's story (in Chapter 11) gave you hope. I look forward to meeting in person someday soon so I can thank you - for your important and needed work at this critical moment in history.
If you're interested in Faith After Doubt, you can order it here.
0 Comments2 Minutes
Q & R: How do you respond to people who try to evangelize you?
Here's the Q:
Thanks very much for your part in presenting, with Luther Smith, at the Companions on the Inner Way retreat. A lovely example of generous and soulful inter-racial dialogue.
Like you, I was born into a Plymouth Brethren home (exclusive) and have been on a journey of increasing inclusion over many years. I appreciate the ways that your presentations and books have informed and nourished this journey.
My siblings are very fearful that I’m hell-bound and taking others with me.
One in particular keeps trying to convert me back to the dualism of our youth.
So far I’ve abandoned any attempt to explain my position and so respond simply “Thanks so much for your loving concern. … Warmest love, [my name]”How do you respond to such attempts to “evangelize” you?
Here's the R:
Thanks for this question, and yes, what a joy to be (virtually) with Dr. Smith and the Companions. I think your response is gracious and appropriate, and I don't think I can improve upon it at all.
I just received one such email this morning (not from a sibling, though). Here it is:
Your intellectual talk might sound like an option to people that don’t know that the Bible is the Word of God and is to be taken literally! You want to reframe, deconstruct, re-imagine, discredit and redefine what God addresses in His Word. You say we need a ‘new kind of faith leader’…..is Jesus Christ YOUR faith leader…I don’t think so. What do you do with Luke 1:1-4. How about Galatians 1:6-10 and John 20:30-31. While I agree that we as Christians should address the earthly needs of people, the most important need is for a person to realize they are a sinner and ask Jesus Christ to forgive them for their sins because THIS is the ONLY WAY to HEAVEN. The Bible states you don’t get to Heaven with ‘good works lest any man should boast’. Your doctrine is making people feel good that they are helping society but your doctrine is sending them to Hell. I pray that you and your organization and followers will actually read the Bible as the WORD OF GOD that should be taken literally.
I normally don't have the bandwidth to respond to people who simply want to send me a message, as with this dear woman. I can imagine that I might have written such a letter when I was a zealous young Evangelical! I realize that the writer is trying to be a good soldier, doing the duty she has been given by the authority figures she trusts (who taught her, among other things, that the Bible is supposed to be taken literally and that getting to heaven is the point of the Bible).
I normally don't have time to respond to people who ask a question that I assess is not asked in good faith. But I do try to respond to questions that feel sincere, non-combative, and non-accusatory.
With relatives or dear friends who are concerned about you, sometimes you can help relieve their anxiety by offering reassurance. For example, with the email I received above, I might say,
"Dear sister, thank you so much for your concern. I want to assure you that I love Jesus with all my heart and have been learning to follow him for over sixty years. I am no less passionate in that commitment today than I was years ago. And although I am eager to "reframe, deconstruct, and re-imagine" some of what I have been taught (or hear others teaching), I do not want to discredit or redefine anything that is truly from God. Very much the opposite, in fact. I have come to see many things differently from the way I used to, and from the way you see them now. If you would ever be interested in hearing the story of how that came to be, I would be glad to share it. But please understand that I don't want to get into a win/lose argument with you. Those kinds of arguments generally result in people just digging in their heels and getting defensive or aggressive. I understand that your current understanding brings you great comfort and reassurance, and I understand that hearing me differ must be very unsettling or disconcerting for you. I appreciate you telling me of your concern, and I sincerely honor you for your commitment to do the right thing as you understand it."
But that's a lot of words to say what you said equally well in under a dozen!
0 Comments6 Minutes
Faith After Doubt, a Personal Story
A reader writes:
Good day Brian,
I know you may not get a chance to read this. But in case you do or have a moment where you need to hear a story about how your work is helping people, hopefully this can serve that purpose.I wanted to thank you for your most recent book Faith After Doubt. It has helped me work through my bewilderment as a recovering conservative evangelical.Ironically, this is all happening during one of the most difficult times for me and my family. [He explains deep grief that struck his family, including the death of his mother.]I started your book in early January during a bit of a lull in this crisis during a wilderness trip with a good friend. I was thinking a lot about doubt, and simplicity, and deconstruction. And grief.... I was trying to make sense of the fact that the simplicity and even complexity of my evangelical roots had barely anything REAL to comfort me right now. At its core that is. People who are within the camp, so to speak, set aside the core message of the "gospel centered" conservative message to comfort through empathy and care. But what the hell could substitutionary atonement have to do with the bewilderment of me and my family's current suffering? And when I peeked back into the evangelical sphere from time to time on twitter or blogs etc, all I saw was fear and hypocrisy and petty, bitter fights and "battles for the faith". How could I possibly come to find true affinity with a group that believes a sociological theory (CRT) is the greatest existential threat to their existence? Not rampant incidences of sexual abuse in the church and failure to care for victims. Not white supremacy and christian nationalism. Not a complete disregard for marginalized people. Not hatred and rejection of LBTQA+ people. Not building a church culture of consumption with no regard for the future of the planet or the species. CRT. Liberals. Thats the problem....I sat in the silence of [the wilderness] looking out into the beauty and frozen wilderness, and thought, "this moment is teaching me how to grieve and to suffer more than any sermon or pastoral counseling I ever received. Why is that?"Your book stepped into the void of that questioning to give me hope and a feeling of community with others who are asking these questions of faith and trying to make sense of our lives. My deconstruction started 5 years ago with both anger at the tradition I grew up in as well as a hopefulness of, "there MUST be more than this!". Yet as the feelings of anger and frustration grew, the wonder of what might be AFTER this waned. It left me in full on stage 3 perplexity. I have been there for a little over 2 years now. But as suffering and grief grew, so grew my craving of the wonder and awe of what COULD be in the ability to find harmony in my faith. I needed help charting these waters. It was scary. Knowing others were trying to do this too and that what I was feeling was felt by so many others was more helpful and hope inspiring than I can even express in words. For that, I thank you, sincerely. You have helped me move forward and "make the road by walking" through grief and doubt.It's so strange. I feel a tension as I try to find God in this place of suffering. I kind of wish I could go back to the simplicity of "God is sovereign" or "God took my mom because in his divine providence, this is for all of our good". Maybe that would make this easier. And yet, now here in the dust and ashes of grief, like Job, simple answers do not work. They actually feel repulsive in a way. At the same time, just tearing down the structures of fundamentalism as a response to suffering feels wrong too. I need a hope, a promise to hold onto. Where does that come from? Faith expressing itself as love. Seeing this in the very heart of God even when I cannot wrap my mind around the mystery of his ways is about all I can do. Seeing it in the hopefulness of others like yourself or other guides like Father Rohr, Diana Butler Bass, and many others who refuse to work to lead and inspire others. Inspiring us to walk forward in fearless expectant hope of what we cannot totally predict or control but what is a loving more beautiful future.Anyway, I have probably written too long an email. But I felt a need to say thank you since your book and your perseverant ministry has helped me more than I can express. Regrettably, I remember reading Generous Orthodoxy and Secret Message of Jesus 10-12 years ago to understand how to craft argumentative apologetics against the progressives seeking to distort the gospel. I remember mocking a friend who was a part of your church as a theological lightweight if he went to a church like yours. I have many regrets from that time as a young stupid youth pastor. But I am grateful for the patience of others and of God who let my world crumble in the best way possible. And I am thankful you pushed forward in faith and did not cave when cruelty came for you and those you were close to. My respect and gratitude for how you continued forward, even without judgement or noticeable hate or resentment of those who rejected you is a great inspiration to me. For that I am eternally grateful. May you be encouraged that even some who at one point spoke ill of you, at some point began looking to you as a sage and a guide.Thank you for persevering with this wandering email if you have read it! No expectations on a response, just a hope that it might bring you joy at some point. Take care and be well daily walking out faith expressing itself as love.
0 Comments9 Minutes