A sermon by a former parishioner, on personal, historical, and racial trauma
As many of your know, I was a pastor for 24 years with an amazing congregation (crcc.org). I had the privilege of watching Sal Fratanduono grow up during those years ... and now it's a joy to see him living his faith in such a constructive way -- in his his city and his personal life. He was recently invited to give a sermon that he shared with me, and I thought many of you might find it instructive and helpful. (Thanks, Sal, for permission to share this.)
Not many have the courage to step into these waters! I'm deeply impressed with Sal and with his message here. You might feel it would resonate with a friend or relative, or gently invite them into what is meaningful for you. Sal is involved with a beautiful group in Richmond Virginia called One Day. Thanks be to God for amazing groups carrying on this work, even as other oppose it out of malice and/or ignorance.
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Good morning, Church. My name is Sal Fratanduono, and I’m so encouraged and blessed to be here this morning with all of you. Many of us have likely not been together in the same physical space since this same event last year. And a lot can happen in the span of that one year. For me personally, these 12 months have offered much good, but also its fair share of pain and sorrow. For several people close to me, this has been an extremely difficult year.
First and foremost, someone very near and dear to me, who I’ll call Bella, recently discovered that when she was still very young, she suffered terrible abuse at the hands of her trusted family member. In the uncovering of this hidden secret abuse, Bella has suffered through unimaginable, complex trauma.
First, the trauma of deep betrayal, hurt, vulnerability and shame from the personal violation she suffered from her older loved one, who should have played the role of protector, not abuser.
But she has also experienced a different kind of pain and trauma, stemming from the response, or lack of response, of many of her other family members. Bella has had her abuse brushed under the rug and even outright denied by those close to her who are unwilling to face the ugly truth of the terrible actions committed by their shared loved one. There has been gaslighting and victim blaming and shaming, to the point that Bella was treated as the problem for even attempting to acknowledge and process the pain of the deep wounds she suffered.
And then to top it off, she’s also had to mourn the loss of the tight-knit family she thought she had, and would always have. As she said to me, “I thought these were my people, my ‘ride or dies’”. This ordeal has introduced deep fractures in the foundation of her entire family unit, which has also made her feel responsible for “ruining the family.”
It’s been heartbreaking for me to watch Bella bear all of this trauma. More than anything she needs rest and safe people willing to sit with her and cry and lament with her. Far too few have answered that simple, yet painful, call.
Trauma care experts tell us that leaning on loved ones is one of the very most effective ways of processing trauma, because trauma often leads to shame and isolation. Empathetic loved ones can often help lift the veil of darkness associated with trauma, bringing in light. But Bella’s experience also highlights the other side of that coin – the devastating effect that people close to us can have when they instead deepen the pain and trauma, through their actions and inactions.
Let me pause here for a second and discuss the elephant in the room – this is heavy stuff, and we don't normally talk about trauma and abuse in church, do we? At least not in the churches I’ve attended.
And that’s curious, because outside of church, conversations about trauma and its effects have skyrocketed. In fact, many of us here have probably read books like “The Body Keeps the Score” or listened to Brene Brown or other podcasters educating their listeners about how trauma manifests in our minds, bodies and spirits. Some of our doctors likely now advertise providing ‘trauma informed care’. Yet in my experience, when it comes to church and our ‘polite’ Christian circles, we prefer to talk about less emotional framings. We may acknowledge brokenness through the lens of sin, or The Fall. Perhaps we talk about how prayer and perseverance can counteract the causes of continuing suffering. We may imply that giving your life to Jesus should erase the effects of pain and trauma. Or perhaps we prefer to point out that we all have had to suffer through hardship so it’s best to just get over it, and pick yourself up by your bootstraps!
But what I have found this year in my experience with Bella is that what she needs is not motivational advice or self help tips or even a great sermon. She needs compassion, empathy, vulnerability. She needs relationships where she can just be seen and accepted in her dark night of the soul. To lament with safe people who won’t minimize or judge or rush her grieving process.
Sadly, this is not the only example of someone close to me processing their traumas in this past year. Several of my African American friends have experienced a different type of trauma, specifically racial trauma. What is racial trauma? Sheila Wise Rowe, author of the book “Healing Racial Trauma”, breaks racial trauma into 3 categories:
First: Historical trauma, which is passed down through generations not only through stories, but research suggests intense or repeated traumas can alter a person’s DNA, influencing the health of future generations.
Second: Vicarious trauma, which is seeing and feeling the racial trauma of others. It’s the secondhand smoke of trauma, that can have adverse effects on physical, emotional and cognitive wellness
The third type of racial trauma that Rowe highlights is Gaslighting, being told your truth isn't true, and perhaps even being blamed for the very hurts and injustices you are suffering at the hands of the offending party or group.
Rowe goes on to say that incidents of racial trauma can go to the core identity of a person, and can build upon people of color in heavy and burdensome ways over extended periods of time.
Unfortunately, the friends I’ve spoken with have experienced all 3 of these types of racial trauma. As the descendents of former slaves and subsequent generations who suffered through segregation and Jim Crow brutality, historical trauma was baked into their beings from birth. Experts tell us that historical trauma is cumulative and reverberates across generations, with descendents showing many of the tell tale signs and symptoms of trauma suffered by their ancestors.
My friends have also, like so many of us in this era of body cams and cell phones, experienced repeated vicarious trauma, watching videos and hearing countless stories of black bodies brutalized in present day America at the hands of white Americans, some of which were paid to protect and serve them. Instead of just seeing a stranger beaten or killed, which is bad enough, they see the unjust brutalization against someone who could just as easily be their own father or brother or aunt or nephew or sister or son.
Now here's the really amazing thing: Rather than funnel this pain and trauma into resentment or fear, my friends have done the opposite - actively spending their time, energy, and spiritual gifts on bridge building, looking to bring the supernatural restorative, healing power of Jesus into white Christian spaces. But unfortunately, their efforts have been, more often than not, met with responses from their white brethren that made them feel more isolated, misunderstood, diminished, and in the end, retraumatized.
They were met with insensitive remarks, microaggressions, an unwillingness to engage deeply and fully in meaningful conversations around race and injustice. They were often left feeling like the token black person at the table, or ‘the black friend’, invited to be in the room but not share the actual power in defining problems or solutions. Their very real and powerful personal experiences and expertise were not invited into the room. Nobody asked them how they were doing and feeling. Nobody listened to their pain or engaged in shared understanding.
I have been heartbroken to see these friends who have poured so much of themselves into difficult, essential missionary reconciliation and healing work… left feeling exhausted, hurt, angry, emotionally drained and even needing professional counseling, all as a result of their interactions with those who are meant to be their brothers and sisters in Christ.
Would you blame these folks if they were to give up on their dream of racial reconciliation? Would you blame them for not pouring even more of themselves into shallow, one sided relationships?
Would you blame them for instead choosing interactions where they felt seen, heard, able to bring and be their full selves, as opposed to being thrust into a role set by the dominant culture? Would you blame them for counseling other Black Christians to think twice before engaging meaningfully in white Christian spaces?
I don't have any advice or solutions for these friends, any more than I have advice or solutions for Bella. All I have to give is my friendship and my lament. To meet them where they're at and allow myself to try to listen, understand, and empathize. To mourn with those who mourn.
In short, I can choose to love them.
Would you pray with me?
Lord, we humbly come before you this morning to acknowledge and lament the racial trauma which is a tragic, multi-generational cornerstone of the Black experience in this country. We lament our Black brothers and sisters’ experience of feeling unseen, devalued, disrespected and desperate. We lament that, when faced with hard truths about race and racism, the response from the church has far too often been one of dismissiveness and defensiveness, of gaslighting and victim blaming, of pride and condescension. Lord, we lament what the church has done, and what we have left undone. We have to date missed the opportunity to be a city on a hill in a divided nation, bringing empathy, listening and compassion, lament and repentance. A Spirit-filled force for healing and unity within your body.
Lord, do what we have not, and comfort all your children who are still far too often suffering pain and anguish and trauma in this place we call home.
Lord, rescue us from our pain and brokenness. When you return, will you find your bride whole, or divided? Will we be working together for You as one man, or will we be disembodied, unwilling or unable to join together to build your kingdom?
If we are not one body, but many, who will the bridegroom choose as His bride? And how can we be one when the groans of the very heart of the body are ignored by its other parts? A house divided against itself cannot stand.
Lord, give us your eyes to fully see and acknowledge each other. May we break bread together, learn each others’ stories, share in each others’ triumphs and pains, worship in celebration and lament together. We pray to become creatures of the light, generously, joyfully giving of our own time and possessions and comforts for the healing and wellness of our neighbor.”
Lord, may it be so.
Amen
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For more on One Day, see https://www.wtvr.com/news/local-news/one-day-one-step-richmond-sept-7-2024
0 Comments16 Minutes
I’ve finally caught my breath …
I’ve caught my breath a bit since the election.
For quite a while, I have felt unusually quiet. I've wanted to listen and learn more than speak and teach ... to question and revise some of my pre-election assumptions, to rethink a lot of things in light of what happened ... and is happening since the inauguration.
I’m getting a clearer sense of what is mine to do ... of how I can best endure and resist and persist in the never-ending work of overcoming evil with good.
One thing that is clearly not mine to do … and that’s being glued to cable tv and social media to maintain a constant state of outrage. That is not good for my soul, and I don’t think it’s good for my work either. I’ll tell you more about what I'm sensing -- for myself, primarily, but perhaps for many of us -- in a future post.
I have developed a simple policy regarding news intake: I turn off any show that normalizes Donald Trump and his main accomplices. I have no desire to hear him lie and spout ignorant foolishness again and again.
The truth is, he has become so boring and predictable in his behavior that it feels like a sickening rerun of a show that was terrible the first time around. I just don't want to give him any free real estate in my brain or subject myself (any more than is necessary) to his authoritarian bullying and arrogant bloviation.
Not only that: it’s a well-known authoritarian and fascist strategy to "flood the zone" with BS … It's a predictable strategy for crooked authoritarians to try to distract us from big crimes with the shiny objects of constant scandals, "weapons of mass distraction" they're often called … It's a predictable strategy to try to exhaust us all with so many daily outrages that we're too tired to act when the strategic moments come our way. I don’t want to fall prey to any of those strategies.
But I do want to stay informed. Very well informed, in fact.
So here are the people/places I’m paying attention to on a daily or weekly basis to keep me informed.
I turn to these sources to get important news that is concerned with reality rather than propaganda, so we can be prepared to show up when needed, in the ways we're needed.
Some of these resources provide me with grounding and wisdom and centering, which I need in these times when so much harm is being done so fast.
Some of them help me learn to communicate more graciously, clearly, and boldly with the 49.97 percent of voters who freely and fairly elected Trump. Right now, most of them are ecstatic and thrilled with his every move. But I believe the time is coming when more and more of them become disillusioned. They'll begin to see through the deception that they have been sold. I hope many of us can help many of them reorient themselves before the next elections.
You might find these resources helpful too, so in that spirit I share them. These aren't all the excellent resources -- not by a long shot. But they're ones that have been helping me in recent weeks. I should add - try to financiallyt support as many of your trusted resources as you can.
Spiritual Resources
Diana Butler Bass, The Cottage - https://dianabutlerbass.substack.com/
Process This, Homebrewed Christianity Podcast, and anything from Tripp Fuller - https://processthis.substack.com/
Jacqui Lewis - the person I would nominate for America’s Pastor, except that her influence should be international, not just national: https://jacquilewis.substack.com/account/
Dante Stewart - one of the very brightest young leaders out there: https://substack.com/@dantecstewart/
I enjoy Daily Meditations delivered to my inbox from The Center for Action and Contemplation and from Matthew Fox: https://cac.org/category/daily-meditations/ and https://dailymeditationswithmatthewfox.org/
Jim Finley and Kirsten Oates help me stay rooted in the Turning to the Mystics Podcast: https://cac.org/podcast/turning-to-the-mystics/.
Political Resources
Judd Legum (Popular Information Substack) - https://popular.info/
Anand Giridharadas, The Ink on Substack) - https://the.ink/
Brian Kaylor, A Public Witness on Substack - https://the.ink/
Peter Beinart - on current events, especially Israel/Gaza/Palestine - https://peterbeinart.substack.com/
Jennifer Rubin and Norman Eisen - The Contrarian on Substack - https://peterbeinart.substack.com/
Gaslit Nation will light you up. Andrea Chalupa’s podcast is on fire with righteous fury https://www.gaslitnationpod.com/about-us
Heather Cox Richardson strikes me as an actual stable genius, every single post: https://heathercoxrichardson.substack.com/
Sojourners offers this excellent truth and action roundup for the first 100 days of the current regime: https://act.sojo.net/page/email?mid=5835a9d9b0bf4ab291d3a80292a5dc73
Ecological Resources
Semafor - the latest news on climate action - https://www.semafor.com/
Britt Wray is wise and especially focused on the intersection of climate and mental health - https://gendread.substack.com/
Heated brings together excellent writers on climate, overshoot, and related realities: https://heated.world/
Outrage and Optimism - the title says it all. Solid, interesting, international in scope - https://www.outrageandoptimism.org/
Uncategorizable but Important resources for me
Cassidy Steele Dale is a futurist with zest. He helps me have foresight - https://cassidysteeledale.substack.com/
Padraig OTuama’s Poetry Unbound substack and podcast helps me politically, ecologically, spiritually, all wrapped together. https://poetryunbound.substack.com/
Speaking of poetry, I always appreciate the gifts of poetry (and prose) from Maria Popova. I highly recommend her newsletters - Sunday and midweek: https://www.themarginalian.org/about/
Finally, I've been immersing myself with all of Jacob Collier's music. I literally have been dreaming about his songs. Here's one of my favorites to get you started if you're interested: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQvzX0Z3HE4
You may wonder why I left some of your favorite resources out. They may actually be on my longer list, but this is the shortest list I could bear to share. I hope you'll share with others what's helping you ... and if I happen to be one of those people who is helping you resist and persist in the way of love, peace, and joy, please know I'm grateful. We're in this together.
There are so many people doing such good work out there … and if we put all our good work together, encouraging one another and being merciful rather than critical, if we each make our little contributions with a great big heart of love and sincerity ... if we keep sowing seeds of kindness and justice and humility left and right ... and if we don’t grow weary in doing good, we shall reap a harvest, I do believe, deep in my heart ... we shall overcome.
It won't be easy. It won't happen fast. There will be many difficult days ... many "dangers, toils, and snares." And the struggle is never over. But something beautiful is trying to be born, even in the midst of so much ugliness.
0 Comments9 Minutes
Discovering Renewal – for clergy and … everyone need renewal.
Several years ago, my friends at Montreat Conference Center contacted me to talk about an idea. (I may have proposed it to them, or not ... I can't remember.)
The weeks leading up to Easter are full of meaning for clergy ... along with a lot of hard work. What if we had a week in the North Carolina mountains for church leaders to gather for rest and renewal. I would offer a reflection each morning to encourage spiritual renewal and rest, and the rest of the day would be free, with a variety of options for activities that would help people unwind and simply enjoy being alive, being human.
But then we thought, Why restrict this to clergy? Why not have a week where everyone is welcome, just being people, human beings, normal folks, relaxing and enjoying life together?
Each year has been a delight, one of a few events that shape my year.
This year (April 22-25, 2025), there will be eight activity tracks:
- Larry "Grey" Mitchell and Daniel Rogers will lead Contemplative Hiking ... enjoying the beautiful spring flora and fauna in the mountains that surround Montreat.
- Mary Carroll Dodd will lead Yoga, inviting people of all levels to find their inner smile.
- Tanner Pickett will lead Fly Fishing, enjoying the areas beautiful streams (that are rebounding with resilience the floods of last year).*
- Sue Dolamore will lead Plein Air Sketching, helping you see and explore your artistic side.
- Rev. Thomas Wesley Moore (T. Wes) and Dora Rowe will lead Tabletop Gaming ... a great way to socialize and enjoy a wide array of challenges.
- Kelley Weber and Greg Durham will lead the new Contemplative Track, helping you learn and actually practice contemplative practices.
- Jessica Vazquez Torres will lead the new baking track. What is more renewing and enjoyable (and delicious) than creating culinary delights?
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Sarah Akin will lead the new Mixed Track, where you'll sample yoga, hiking, and contemplative practice.
And of course, if you'd rather create your own solo track (bring some books or simply watch the creek flow by), you're welcome to do that too. It's a no-lose situation: there are very few if any more beautiful places in Spring than Western North Carolina.
Want to learn more? Check out https://montreat.org/events/renewal-2025.
*If you're a newbie, you're welcome too, and we'll have loaner equipment available and a patient veteran to help you learn.
0 Comments3 Minutes
Grief and Relief
These are two words I hear again and again from people who have read Life After Doom. Here is a recent email that came in (as always, lightly edited for anonymity) ...
Last year, I attended an event where you spoke in the midwest. I exchanged only a brief mumbled greeting with you, because I didn’t quite realize who you were until after I had continued on my way to my seat, and I was so disoriented and heavy with grief that I had none of my usual tools for connecting with new people in a sociable way readily available.As you spoke that evening, I remember feeling like I could breathe - nervous, tenuous breaths, not yet the full belly-breaths that can calm our nervous systems, but enough breath to keep me alive for a bit longer, then a bit longer. I came into the event shattered; as I witnessed your unflinching look at reality, both the steadiness with which you faced a truly terrible situation and the refusal to offer quick or easy answers, I felt the pieces of myself stop their fractured swirling and come to enough stillness that I could begin to imagine putting them back together.Fast forward a few months, and I am sitting now with your book, Life After Doom. I have found myself in tears a number of times - from grief, yes, and also from some kind of relief. Relief to hear from someone who shares a similar religious background, and can name the harm that has been done in the name of that tradition while also not throwing the whole tradition out entirely. Relief to be in the spiritual presence of someone who is, at least on paper, unflinching, while not denying the hard road ahead. Relief to feel the sanity that exists in acknowledging the dangerous stupidity of the world without needing to get into a gaslighting argument with anyone about whether or not that is real (“try not to be too surprised,” you said. I will try.)For many years I worked in ministry. I left a few years ago - both the vocational work and the institution of the church - when I could no longer stand in that space with integrity without doing or saying something that could cost me my job (introducing the concept of the feminine image of God, for example - the horror!)It has been a lonely road since then, as I am hungry for the sort of community, meaningful conversation, and supportive action that can be experienced through church, but have struggled to find or create something new. As I spent time with you, in Holland and through your book, I have felt less alone. And I will keep trying.The divine in me sees and honors the divine in you.
0 Comments3 Minutes
A lot of people are feeling the relevance of my newest book …
I just got this email from a reader of Life After Doom: Wisdom and Courage for a World Falling Apart:
Thank you so much for writing this book! It helped boost me over the line to finally DO SOMETHING! It was good medicine to have to look at that ominous title every time I opened the book. Spelling out possible scenarios we face makes it concrete, no longer a theory, something imaginary. I felt guarded when you first mentioned yourself as a former pastor, but later I so appreciated your ability to reframe Bible characters and stories in terms of environmental change in ancient earth history and ancient indigenous struggles.As a Buddhist in worldview and practice I easily relate to your framing: Letting go, letting be, letting come and “maybe it’s good, maybe it’s not”.Your AA analogies are insightful.You include so many and diverse quotes that enrich understanding and insight.I’m in process of rereading it.Thanks again for sharing your journey and your wisdom!
0 Comments1 Minutes