The Ten Commandments of Theo-Capitalism

Thanks to Ben Griffith for this … inspired by EMC. (also included after the jump)

Then Capitalism spoke all these words:
I am Capitalism your God–the spirit of the American Dream–who brought you out of the Great Depression, who brought you from poverty and a mere speck on the map to being the greatest empire on earth. You shall have no other gods before me.
You shall not think up for yourself a god that disagrees with me, whether he is one who disagrees with the free-market, laissez faire economics, the desire to be filthy rich, or any other of my values. You shall not bow down and worship them; for I, Capitalism your god, am a jealous god, punishing the lazy and those who can’t help themselves with generational poverty, but showing kindness to all those who work hard and dedicate themselves to the pursuit of money and power.
You shall not slander my name in any way. In fact, you should hold classes in your schools that glorify my name and slander the unspeakable name of Socialism. If you question me, I will make sure that you are embarrassed and thrown out of our business circles–doomed to mail rooms and cleaning toilets.
Never stop working…not for anything. Some people believe in rest. But the days are not yours, they belong to the market. And if you think that you can make it in this world, then rest assured, you will never rest. For by hard work and labor, the industrial revolution, the technological revolution, and Wall Street were created, and those who pioneered them still haven’t rested.
Take advantage of whoever you want–even if it’s your father and mother. This is the only way you will prosper and have the retirement that you want.
You shall not murder–that’s illegal–but anything else is fair game. You can slander, defame, and threaten anyone that gets in your way. That is the only way to the top.
You shall not commit adultery–that’s scandalous–but never let your wife distract you from your firm. Don’t get caught having sex with another woman, but the company must come first.
You shall not steal. Well, at least don’t commit accounting fraud or embezzle, but don’t worry about stealing from neighboring countries by using their cheap labor. After all, that’s my sprit of Global Economics.
Be prepared to misrepresent your competitor. It can be a problem when you attack a fellow employee (at least publicly), but that can sometimes be advantageous too. But always paint your competitor as incompetent, selfish, and below you. Lie if you have to, do what you need to succeed.
Covet everything. Covet your neighbor’s house, maids, cars, and everything else that he has. After all, the world is yours for the taking.