Introverted, Angry, and Wishing for a Generously Orthodox Church
A reader writes …
Hello. I was wondering if you may be able to give me some advice or your thoughts on a particular problem I’ve run into. Recently, I’ve discovered I may be in need of some more Christian fellowship. Truth be told, I have very few Christian friends and due to working a third shift job and my general introvertedness (not a word? well, it should be), I don’t see other people very often. However, another reason I lack in spending time with other Christians is that I find it difficult to find a group of Christians I can fit in with without, honestly, getting angry. I don’t want to be angry at other Christians but I admit it happens quite a bit. The story I have to share may give you a good example of what I mean.
I mentioned my problem of having very few Christian friends to a local pastor and he suggested I attend a Monday night men’s group that meets at a local restaurant. I was frank enough with him to let him know that I had actually attended that group four months prior but never returned because of how uncomfortable it made me feel (just a general sense of invasiveness that a “shut-in” like me isn’t used to). He told me to try it three times and just see what happens. I agreed, knowing that my solitariness is not a good thing. As I attended these meetings, there were some things that made me feel uncomfortable but I stuck through it to see what would happen. I met some guys that seemed pretty cool and quickly found myself enjoying the company of the “new” Christians a bit more than the seasoned ones. In general, I think I found their honesty and humility with what little they knew of things to be refreshing. So, last Monday, I went a fourth time. I began to feel some hope that, while still a bit invasive and pressuring, this would be a good thing for me–some Christians I could finally meet with regularly to talk about life with. Then, the weekly speaker (they generally alternate among three or so guys who talk some at the beginning and give the “discussion” questions that each table of four guys discusses in their own smaller groups), a man I had not yet met because he had just returned from a mission trip to Nepal, got up to speak. His name was [Marty] and he told us about his trip to [asia] and what he experience there. He talked in large about the Buddhism there and how they had rituals they used to “replace their need for God.” He shared a few pictures with us showing some of these “idolatrous” objects that he called “obstacles to the gospel.” He showed a picture of some prayer wheels as well as a monument of sorts of piled rocks. He explained that the Buddhists would climb to the top of the hill carrying a rock and would place their rock on the pile. They would then utter a prayer and place a flag on the line over the rocks after they made their prayer. Marty told us he grew to disdain these idols the way God does. He told us as his time there passed, he would get more angry at these things for (basically as he put it) ruining the people from being able to hear the gospel. He said he would kick a rock as he walked by. This made me feel odd. Then, he talked about how he wished all those things could just get torn down. This immediately made me think of a type of triumphalism which, again, made me feel very uncertain about what he was saying. Then, he said he woke up early one morning when it was dark, before anyone else was up, and he went to that monument of rocks and urinated on it. At least half the men at the dinner laughed. I did not. I am not a universalist, but I find my faith compels me to respect my fellow human beings, whatever their beliefs or practices. As I wrote elsewhere … “Just because the gospel is offensive, that does not mean we have to be offensive with it.” What if I had invited a Buddhist friend with me that day? What if a local of [that country] had seen him do that in the dark? I admit; I got very angry and it really made me not want to go back again. That is not the only example I can give of that sort of thing but it is probably the most pronounced and recent example I can give. I could say so much more but I will resist the urge and get to the point.
Brian, I get so mad. That sort of thing is everywhere around here and I want to be regularly involved in a Church and I want to have community instead of isolation but I just don’t know what to do sometimes. I know that you’re aware I’ve read your book “A Generous Orthodoxy” and when I read things like that I think “Well, this is what I’m looking for. Why can’t I take all the good with me and leave all the crud behind? Why can’t I just find some Christians to experience life with that are actually kind?” That’s all I’m asking. Why is it so hard to find nice Christians? By “nice” I don’t mean “wimpy” or “not serious” since that seems to be how “nice” is apparently interpreted.
I like to think I can get along with people of many different beliefs and positions but sometimes I want some “like-minded” Christians… I guess I’m saying I want a place where I could bring a non-Christian friend and not be afraid the experience would give an even worse impression of Christianity to them than they already have. The only time I hear of such Christian community is in books (yours and handful of other authors I have grown to appreciate and respect). Even the book I wrote hopes and prays for such an eclectic community of Christ-followers. But I want my thoughts about Christ and his Kingdom and the new way of being human he gives to us as we follow him to be more than some theoretical thought practice; I want to live in that reality with others in community. I don’t want to feel so alone in my thoughts with no one to keep me company and dialogue with me but my books. I don’t want to feel like I am always somewhere stranded between an unbelieving world and a church that doesn’t accept me. How do I find a “Generous Orthodoxy” type of community? Where is that church at? And if the sad reality really is that such a community does not exist where I am, what am I supposed to do?
Thanks for this note. My first hope is that folks over at my facebook page will respond with their insights and thoughts …
But your inquiry stirs two other hopes in me too.
First – that there would be some kind of online hub where the kinds of churches you and so many of us are looking for would be able to “go public” and become more findable by people like you. The good news is that I’m in conversation with at least two groups that are looking for ways to provide this service.
Second – that there would be some resources to help small groups of people – two or three for starters – to come together for the kind of companionship and dialogue you speak of. This is something I’ve been thinking and praying on as a future project …
My only suggestion in the meantime would be to consider a church in a more open tradition …
And I should add that my next book is going to be about Christian identity in a multi-faith context – I share your disgust at Marty’s behavior. Not terribly different from the misguided and misguiding Florida pastor who thought he would be a hero by burning the Quran. We need a better approach!